


Power to the Pigeons

by RockSunner



Series: Smart Adversaries AU [17]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s01 M. Pigeon | Mr. Pigeon, Gen, Humor, Non-Graphic Violence, Pigeons, Scat, Soiled heroes, design theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: What if Mr. Pigeon had been more ruthless when he had the heroes caged?





	Power to the Pigeons

Mr. Pigeon (the akumatized bird lover Xavier Ramier) was perched on top of the statue of the winged goddess Victory at the Place du Châtelet. A pigeon flew up to him – he could understand the bird's coos.

"Ladybug and Cat Noir? Job well done, buddy-boy. Pigeons will reign supreme! Power to the pigeons!"

Mr. Pigeon sent masses of his bird friends to collect the heroes. He jumped onto a platform of flying pigeons, who carried him to the top of Le Grand Paris Hotel, where he had a trap prepared.

A flying ball of pigeons dropped the sneezing Chat Noir onto the roof. Ladybug landed a moment later under her own power. The pigeons could have grabbed her too, but there had been no need to waste their energy since she was sure to follow Chat Noir.

"Where's that bird-brain Mr. Pigeon?" asked Chat Noir with another big sneeze.

"He's gotta be here somewhere..." said Ladybug.

Mr. Pigeon lifted up on his platform of birds, behind them.

Hawk Moth spoke to him via their telepathic link, "If you want to give Paris back to the pigeons for good, you must first rid the city of those two pests."

Mr. Pigeon sounded his bird call, and the pigeons swarmed them, flying around in a tight circle.

"Call me crazy, but I feel like bird seed all of a sudden," said Ladybug.

"Got any bright ideas, bug?" asked Chat Noir.

"You're the cat, don't you eat these things for breakfast?" asked Ladybug.

While one set of pigeons hemmed them in, another set brought a huge iron birdcage and held it over them.

It had originally been Mr. Pigeon's intention to pull all the birds back as the cage dropped, but now he had a better idea. Why not leave about a hundred birds inside the cage with them? He tooted on his bird call as the cage went down, and a fighting corps of pigeons remained inside.

"Chirpy day, I'm so ruthless," said Mr. Pigeon with an evil chuckle.

"Excellent. Now take their Miraculous!" sent Hawk Moth.

At the command of Mr. Pigeon, the birds inside the cage attacked.

* * *

It was a hard fight for Ladybug and Chat Noir. The heroes were almost overwhelmed as the pigeons began clawing, pecking, pooping, and snatching at the Miraculouses.

Their costumes saved them for the most part. Even their eyes (when they closed them) were protected from being scratched by their magical-mask-covered eyelids. But their costumes were becoming more grayish-white than black or red with polka-dots. Not to mention the state of their hair.

"Surrender!" called Mr. Pigeon. "You can still save your sorry skins by handing me your Miraculous."

Ladybug had had enough. She used her yo-yo string, wrapping it around the throat of a pigeon.

"Tell your troops to stand down or the pigeon gets it," said Ladybug.

Mr. Pigeon gave a harsh screech and the attacking pigeons landed around them.

"Cat Noir, the bars!" Ladybug whispered urgently.

"Too much poop on my right hand," said Chat. "It'll absorb the destruction."

"Lucky Charm!" said Ladybug. She got a polka-dotted towel, but the pigeons flew up at it. It landed in her hands shredded and soiled.

"That was a mistake," said Mr. Pigeon. "Coo coo. You'll time out in five minutes and be vulnerable to my pigeon's claws. You and your partner will no longer be able to threaten my friends. I can open a hole in the roof to let them out, big enough for them but not for you. Then I'll call all the pigeons of Paris to treat the hole as their exclusive toilet until you are buried in guano."

There was a pause as Hawk Moth replied.

"Don't you want a slow, humiliating death for your enemies?" asked Mr. Pigeon. "They dared to threaten my flock. I'll dig out the Miraculouses for you afterward. I promise."

Another pause.

"You're right, they'll die of thirst long before I can bury them. Still, it adds to the humiliation."

The mention of thirst reminded Ladybug of something about Le Grand Paris Hotel.

Ladybug whispered to Chat Noir, "You remember this hotel? We're on the cover of the rooftop swimming pool. If you can claw through the plastic and get your hand into the water..."

Chat Noir plunged his right hand through and felt water. He rinsed off his hand.

"A paw-sitive development, m'Lady!"

"Let's run for the bars. I'll hold the rags above your hand to shield you from any more poop."

As they ran, Chat called out "Cataclysm!"

Pigeons tried to re-soil his hand, but Ladybug was vigilant with the towel scraps and kept it clean. The bars rusted and the cage fell apart. Ladybug and Chat Noir moved toward Mr. Pigeon, weapons ready.

Mr. Pigeon pulled back toward the roof edge.

Chat Noir said, "Well, well. Looks like the pigeon's really a chicken."

"Coo coo! Me? I'm not flying away. I'm just killing two birds with one stone."

As he flew away on another platform of birds, he shouted, "Merry Christmas!"

Ladybug and Chat Noir had to run for the cover of the door leading to the roof stairs as another giant ball of birds attacked. They just made it as the pigeons slammed into the door, leaving a huge dent.

They were about to change back, both having used their ultimate powers. Mr, Bourgeois reluctantly let the smelly heroes use staff bathrooms, and he supplied them with Camembert and chocolate chip cookies. Tikki and Plagg had a hard time feeding with the stench, but they managed.

* * *

They found Mr. Pigeon at Grand Palais, where he was keeping the park wardens and police officers in cages. Ladybug got Chat Noir to stand out of the way when she opened a window in the glass vault of the building. He avoided sneezing when a bunch of feathers blew out, so they were able to take the villain by surprise and break his bird call.

The akuma was released and cleansed. The heroes had their suits and hair cleaned by a Miraculous Ladybug charm using the towel rags, which also cleaned up the rest of Paris.

"What happened? Where am I?" asked Mr. Ramier.

"Pound it!" said the heroic pair.

* * *

Ladybug got herself home and detransformed.

"I have less than an hour before the derby hat competition – but I reek! Why do I still smell like pigeon poop, Tikki? The healing charm should have fixed everything."

"You detransformed and some of the poop on your hair dripped onto your civilian clothes. You transformed back to Ladybug, and that put the clothes into another dimension where the magic ladybugs don't go," said Tikki.

"I have to take a bath and change clothes. I'm in no shape to enter the competition."

* * *

When Marinette found out later that Chloé won with a design stolen from her, she called in a complaint to Gabriel Fashions with photographic proof: the design thieves had copied her upside-down signature on the hat.

The contest went to the runner-up, a hat with metal gears created by Juleka and Rose. Adrien was happy to model that hat rather than "Chloé's" design, because there were no feathers to make him sneeze.

The End


End file.
